i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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