Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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