i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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