He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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