its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
