I accidentally had phone sex last night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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