So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
