It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
