After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Randomize
