There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
