he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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