I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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