Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
