why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
how drunk are you?
Several
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
