I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
