my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize