Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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