Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
