I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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