The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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