Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
