take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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