I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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