Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
