i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
