White coat. Heels.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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