My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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