just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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