Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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