think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
