she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
