She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
