I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Still dying that you shit outside
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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