We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We have started to decorate penises.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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