Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
