I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
