As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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