How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
