textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is Oprah even human
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
