You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
