my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
