I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
