There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
