I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize