Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
