Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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