We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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