he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
