So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
