the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
