U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
