i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
