Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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