Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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