did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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