Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
