tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
