I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's shark week go big or go home
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
