um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Randomize
