And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
