wat bout pragnant strippers??
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
