I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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