dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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