North Korea, Best Korea!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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