Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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