hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
