Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
