Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
